Monthly Archives: August 2014

Word up. The power of positive language.

thinkbeforeyoutalkI hate my job. I’m so unlucky. It’s not fair. I should be… I wish I was more… I’m so tired I can’t see straight. I can’t cope. I can’t stick to anything. Why does it have to be so hard?

All this has poured out of my mouth over the past couple of weeks. And it’s left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The way I talk, the words I choose, are negatively affecting the way I perceive and handle life’s challenges. When I say it’s hard, it is hard. When I say I’m so tired, I feel exhausted. When I say I can’t cope, I don‘t cope.

Are you choosing language that helps or hinders your happiness? Here are five fixes to help you talk yourself into feeling better.

1. Drop the word “should” from your vocabulary
“Should” is a destructive word. Every time you say “should” you’re saying “I am not enough”. So drop it. Use “could” instead — “could” gives you back your power by giving you a choice.

2. Use positive self-talk
According to Michelle Austin, ACT Academy of Sport Psychologist, positive self-talk (“I’m amazing.” “I can do this”) is associated with better athletic performance. Positive self-talk impacts on an athlete’s self-confidence, anxiety control, concentration and mood. It works for people who don’t wear Lycra too. If it feels alien, talk to yourself the way you’d encourage a child. You’d never tell a kid who was learning to ride a bike that they were crap and would never be able to do it. Unless you’re an evil child-hating meanie. If you’re not, be kind to yourself. 

3. Act, think and talk like a child
Talking of kids, I caught my 4-year-old doing karate moves and pouting in front of the mirror yesterday. I asked him what he was doing. He said “I’m looking at myself being cool. Do you wish you had skeleton pyjamas like me mum?” Indeed I did. I wished I could be just like him in fact — full of confidence in his own awesomeness. Kids don’t waste time on self doubt and they tell themselves they’re amazing. They’re pretty smart. Don’t wait for someone else to tell you how awesome you are. Tell your awesome self. Be 4 years old. Be epic. 

4. Use positive affirmations
The Secret has given affirmations a bad name. They seem a bit like self-delusion. But be open minded and giveaffirmations a go. Start slowly. Pick one thing that’s challenging you, look in the mirror and make a positive statement about it (out loud please). Maybe you feel overwhelmed? Say “I am grateful that I am in demand and I take on tasks with energy and enthusiasm.” Too much? Why not just “I am perfect exactly as I am”? Keep at it. Do it once a day for a week. You’ll feel like a dick for the first two or three days. Then it’ll start feeling good.

5. Choose who you talk to
Be discerning about who you discuss your hopes and dreams and loves with. Negativity is as contagious as stress. If someone shoots you down with negative words, remember that it’s their issue, not yours. And don’t talk to toxic people about stuff that really matters to you. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who empower you with encouragement and loving words.

For many of us, negative language and self-talk is a long-term habit. A habit that’s hard to break. But by being aware of the way you use words and language, you can take steps to change.

Make positive language your new habit. Practise it. Commit to it.

It’ll make you feel better. Even if you don’t have skeleton pyjamas.

Think before you talk drawing by sam brown, explodingdog.

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6 simple ways to cope with feeling overwhelmed

how to cope with being overwhelmedI missed a blog post the other week. You may not have noticed, but for me it was a big deal. I’d made a promise to myself you see — when something’s got to give, it can’t be Wellbeing bites. Not the blog.

But it did give.

I made the time, honestly I did. I sat down. Clicked Add New Post… and I couldn’t write.

You see, there were emails flagged in my inbox waiting to be read/actioned, piles of laundry, a messy house, paperwork to be filed, impossible freelance deadlines I’d said yes to, bills to pay, work projects and tasks to finish, a family that needed quality time, and meditation and exercise I wasn’t finding time to do.

I was overwhelmed. “Too much”, my brain and body kept saying. I pushed on. But I still wasn’t getting it done. And what I was getting to was getting done half-arsed.

When you feel overwhelmed, it’s hard to see straight. Here are a few coping strategies that might help.

1. Prioritise and delegate
What truly needs to be done? Really — do you need to clean the bathroom? Will it matter? Will it affect your quality of life? If the answer is no, eliminate it. If yes, ask do I have to do it? Delegate if you can. With what’s left, make a to-do list, order it by priority, and tick stuff off when it’s done.

2. Say no
Do you say yes a lot? Are you constantly trying to please everyone and meet their expectations? Are you scared of looking weak or missing out? Over-burdening yourself leads to decreased effectiveness, and eventually, to burnout. Not productive. Say no when you can. Set limits. You’ll be amazed how much respect people have for you, your time and your talents when you use that one tiny word.

3. Single task
When I’m overwhelmed I tend to flick between tasks, getting nothing finished. Research has shown that you can only process one activity at a time. Multi-tasking makes you feel scattered and even more overwhelmed. Do one thing at a time.

4. Stick to a schedule
Scheduling is not just for work. Book in time for your kids, a monthly date night, time to exercise, a few minutes a day to meditate, an hour a week to write your blog. Use your phone calendar or write it in a diary. Whatever works for you. And stick to it.

5. Sleep
One of the first things to go when you’re overwhelmed is sleep. But sleep is non-negotiable. Lack of sleep causes irreparable damage to our brains. So take a nap, cut down on caffeine and alcohol and find time to exercise — a National Sleep Foundation‘s poll found that people who exercise regularly experience better quality and more consistent sleep than those who don’t.

6. Put it in perspective
I found this quote through my old friend Google. I don’t know who said it — some genuis.

“Being overwhelmed comes from a breakdown of your thoughts about your life, not a breakdown of your life.”

At the risk of sounding like an arsehole, are your over calculating the life altering-ness of this particular problem? Will the sky fall? Look back and you’ll realise that almost all of the problems you’ve ever had are no longer problems. They got solved. It worked out. Trust that this will probably work out too.

Feeling overwhelmed is our body and brain’s cry for help. You can ignore it, let it debilitate or panic you, or see it as an opportunity to slow down, reassess and reboot.

Today I clicked Add New Post, stayed on the page and rewrote things according to my rules.

Overwhelmed with love for Wellbeing bites? Of course you are! Sign up to follow WB by email and I promise I won’t overwhelm you with anything other than you signed up for. 

Image from www.gratisography.com